Wednesday, March 27, 2013
(Prepare for reading a slight pity party)
Right now, the obstacles that are looming seem pretty daunting, and rather monstrous. I see the end goal I have in mind... and sometimes it seems I can never get there. Often I struggle with having to do it all alone, feeling walled off and unable to receive any help.
But it's all about perspective.
Tonight, I'm sitting here feeling pretty darn discouraged and alone in this whole mess. Yes, I know there is One who sticks closer than a brother, the One who can carry my burdens, and will be there for me always no matter what. Yes, in my head I KNOW He is there. But my head is showing my heart the to-do list before me. Filled with things I stink at, and downright hate. (In this instance, I speak of math and taxes). I'm in for a huge stretching and growing period in the next few weeks, and I know it. I also know that the outcome of the next few weeks will alter my life in several ways. Of course, those aren't the only things on my to-do list, and I could list it for you, but I have a feeling it would only overwhelm me, and bore you, to literally write it all out.
These things, I'm sure, are just paltry matters to some of you. As well as other people in the world. In the grand scheme of things, I know I have small troubles. This is where I was thinking about perspective. I'm feeling the earth shattering effects of sucking at Algebra, and dreading tests etc. While another person may be wondering where the next meal for their family will come from. In a way, they aren't equally detrimental; but does a three year old who loses a cookie suffer any less pain, frustration, or sadness than a 30 year old who loses her job? I don't think so. It's all relative, I think.
However, with age comes some degree of perspective, and I'm needing a good dose of it.
So now comes the "jerking myself up by my bootstraps" and soldering on routine. One that has become repeatedly familiar the past few months. Why IS that?
Why DOES it have to be so complicated? Am I to be learning something that just won't go through my hard skull? Probably. Am I going about this all wrong that it has to be so difficult and frustrating?
Bottom line. Being an adult stinks. Having to make decisions, and then take responsibility for those decisions and consequences (good and bad) stinks.
I know "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and "with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving make your requests made known to the Lord".
Now, I just need to WALK in all that. And there's the hard part. Knowing this is NOT the end of the world, others have way worse crisis' going on, and in the end- it'll work out, has to be acknowledged.
Staying my mind on Christ, and making my plans line up with His should be my focus and goal. Not graduating nursing school, not moving, not traveling, not having a fantastic lovely garden.
Perhaps a full night's sleep will help with perspective.
Abba, help me to dwell in your perfect peace, and trust in Your plan.
<end pity party>
That being said, I'd really appreciate your prayers.