When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Ahh, 2012. What a crazy, wonderful, turbulent year it was. Indeed, I am glad it's over. It's somehow refreshing to have a whole new year stretched out in front of you, full of possibilities and new things. Of course, it's rather scary on the whole, but a good scary. Anyhow- on to the original topic.
What I have learned this past year. (I'm sure this would be a much longer post if I had my other journal with me. It's sad how much I forget and need to go back over. But it is what it is.)
1. Trusting God.
I am still working on this one. Not alone, of course- with God's help. It's a long process. Trusting that God is sufficient for everything I need. Finding my sufficiency in God alone; Not work, money, friends, or other earthly things. Then truly believing this fact, and leaning on God, His Word, and His interpretation of my life rather than my own.
2. Suffering has it's purposes.
When God allows suffering it's for a reason. It's not an enemy, but a friend in disguise, and as painful as it can be while it's there it's always worth it in the end. I still dread pain and suffering in all it's forms, but I'm learning not to. If I can let go of my fear and trust myself to faithful, loving, gentle Creator and accept that He has a purpose behind the darkness then I can fall into the arms of Love without hesitation.
3. Becoming who I am.
I am learning to be who I am, and who I'm meant to be. Trying to be a shadow of someone else not only puts you in their shade (yes, you can quote me on that) but it keeps you from being the person God meant you to be. I think often I'm misunderstood. Some people (who think they know me pretty well) think I'm a whole lot more "crazy" or "out there" than I actually am. Sure, I do have a bit of a more wild flare and maybe some more pizzaz than the next girl … but really, who I am when I'm by myself, in a familiar environment, or when I'm just relaxed and myself… is pretty out and out boring. (To me anyway). I suppose we all must have boring bits of ourselves. But then, who would want to be wild and wooly all the time? Seems exhausting. Anyway, I'm learning to be me- and not someone else's idea of who I should be.
4. Being "brave" is over-rated.
Sometimes we all need a little help. I've found myself being bull headed this past year (well, probably longer than that.) And refusing help of any kind when offered. I somehow thought I was a better person for plowing on alone. Then God pointed out my sin of pride. And in that sin, I was depriving someone else of a blessing through blessing me. So- really, we were both out of blessings! Ugh. Stupid pride.
5. "Where you invest your Love, you invest your life".
A line from one of my favorite songs by Mumford & Sons. If you stop and ponder that thought for a moment you'll find it's very true.
6. The first step of healing is letting the wound scab over.
That's something I'd not allowed my wounds to do for awhile. The body and the soul are not too different. A wound on your body won't heal unless you quit picking at it and leave it alone. Same way with the soul. Some things just need time to heal.
7. Take on Christ's identity.
I focus too much on what I do, or what I want to do, rather than who I am. For REAL. Way down deep inside. At the very core of myself- I am a Daughter of the King. His Handmaiden. Someone asked me the other day 'what are you now?'. ( yes, strange question) I answered that I was a student midwife, I worked, and I was in pre-nursing classes. Later I stopped to think about that answer, and the actual question. Those 3 things are what I DO. Not what I AM. I'm sure I'm over thinking my friends question, however… the point remains. So often we get mixed up with what we do and make what we do into what we are. I DO midwifery. I AM a daughter of the King.
8. Not all friends are Friends.
Just because I have 900 something friends on Facebook doesn't make them all my friends. How many of those "friends" would I call at 2am when I'm having a bad night? Which friends would I ask to meet me at the mall for Coffee? What friends would I tell something I was really struggling with and ask for prayer? And of THOSE friends…which of those would do the same to/for me?
To be honest… not that many at all. I've been thinking about the fact that it's not about the amount of "friends" that you have, but the quality of those friendships.
9. Freedom is overrated.
So many young people my age are focussed on freedom, independence, and other things along that line. Well…like everything else, it comes with a price. I can't tell you how many times this past year I've thought.. "I WISH someone would just TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Unfortunately, things never work that way.
10. People don't have the right to speak in my life.
It seems lately that multitudes of people have felt the need to "speak into" my life. Well, after a period of trying to make everyone happy, follow everyone's advice, and throw myself in 20 different ways… I decided enough is enough! Now, I've learned to consider the person speaking- the quality of their life, the choices they've made, what kind of relationship they have with me, what's their agenda? In other words, what right do they have to speak into my life? What right do they have to even be IN my life? What kind of friendship is it? Do we build each other up?
So, there are 10 things I've learned in 2012. (Well, I'm sure some were building up for a long time) As a result of these things I've learned here are a list of things I'm going to work on this New Year.
-Trust God with small and big things
-Be careful who I call friend, and work on the right friendships.
-Don't allow just anyone to speak into my life.
-Be REAL with everyone.
-Invest my Love in the right places.
Happy New Year!!
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving make your requests known to God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding will rule in your hearts through Christ Jesus.